Hotel Books – Car Crash lyrics

It was problematic at best to perceive existence
Through the myopic lens I embedded into myself
My lack of gestures limited the effectiveness of my delivery
And all she begged for was deliverance
Soft, eloquent passages that provided closure
Not answers, just closure

I somehow fashioned together an array of broken glass
And it looked enough like a vase that it would pass
And she would accept it
And have a way to keep her roses watered and alive again
But I was broken, prized among the lackluster thieves
Immune to pain, and pain by immunity
She beckoned me and she lessened me
Because no other love would accommodate my blindfold so easily

And I was afraid to change, but I was afraid of not changing
And I was afraid to change, but I was afraid of not changing

A quick flood of blood infecting my brain
Dashboard you, dashboard blank slate
My narrow lens no longer mattered, no longer weighed in
And neither did your fear, your insecurities, or your smile

That moment, three seconds of uncertainty
Fate circumvented the concrete dividers
Followed by six seconds of nervous prayer
Nervous cursing, nervous something
Just as poisonous as the snake it came from
The oppression presented in my lies
Those godforsaken lies limited me even more

Seven seconds of promising myself
Promising myself that if I survived, I would stop bargaining
I would stop pushing off effort in exchange for more time
I would stop neglecting civil, spiritual, and personal duties
Or promises, one or the other
They seemed unlikely at that point

Two seconds, the longest two seconds I've ever experienced
Of lying to myself, lying to my God, and lying to you
The words "I promise" seemed so trite, so inaccurate
Sirens ended the charade and began the investigation
Seated on the cold end of a wooden table

I shouted, "This is who I was, but not who I am"
I assured them mistakes were to be made
But lessons were to be learned
I always thought that's what life was
Just a collection of moments intended for lessons
Or a collection of lessons, looking for moments to fulfill them

So foolish a passenger caught up in this accident
Nothing mattered beyond the fact that I was broken
And hurting and damaged physically
And I praised God that I was a survivor
That's when I heard the fate of the driver
Three seconds later, closure
Not answers, just closure

Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I love you
Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I love you
And every day, I wish we could trade places
Because you were the first person that loved me in any real way And now I stand six feet above where you lay
And if I get one thing right in this life
I pray that it'll be sharing love with everybody
The same love that you shared with me

You call me down here and I hear your voice
And the sound of my heart breaking
And I pray to God you're still awake

And I taught myself how to forget that sometimes life will try to convince you there's a such thing as regret
But I found it to be a lie, the same lie I found when I looked in your eyes after it was said and done

Scream hallelujah until you come alive
The devil came for our lungs, but he left with our love
Scream hallelujah until you come alive
I inhaled this world for so long that I tore out my lungs