Adam Sandler – The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions lyrics

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."
"Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
On your upcoming graduation and I understand
You are interested in matriculating here in the fall. "
"I got a snake, man!"
"Yes, pets are welcome here on campus.
Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile. "
"One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that!
It was all fucked up! "
"I'm sure it was.
Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students
And pets here on campus. "
"Fuckin' Shit!"
"Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy.
So tell me a little bit more about your background. "
"My father's a fucking asshole, man!"
"Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son."
"My mother's a piece of shit too!"
"Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility
Over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed
And ready to learn. "
"My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man!
She had her head way up her ass! "
"Well the quality of the faculty at a University
Such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school. "
"Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"
"Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."
"I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!"
"Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug,
Never a pleasurable experience.
So have you given any thought to your choice of major? "
"I've got a big fucking boner right now."
"I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods
Of nervous tension. I do not take offense. "
"One time I ate my neighbors shit!"
"That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you.
We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month. "
"I bet you got really hairy balls."
"Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye."