Frank Zappa – Eddie, Are You Kidding? lyrics

(Seiter/Volman/Kaylan/Zappa)

[includes a quote from 16 Candles (Dixon/Khent)]

Eddie, are you kidding?
I've seen you on my TV
Eddie, are you kidding?
The people always ask me
I saw your double knits
I thought they were the pits
You threw it in a bag
And then you sent me home-
What!?
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!

Eddie, are you teasing
About your rancid garments?
Eddie, are you teasing
About your sixty tailors?
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit-
Oh
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!

Howard: Eddie, my friends ask me, Eddie, Eddie, are you kidding? I wanna tell you something, my friends: I am not kidding. Here at Zachary All we have sixty tailors in the back room. We have the west's largest selections of portly's, regulars, longs, extra longs, and cadets. And my friends say to me: Eddie, Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
Mark: Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
Howard: And I tell them: I'll tell you something frankly, my friends- When the new double knits first came out, I was not impressed. But as you can see, these pants I'm wearing are double knit. They stretch in all the right places. They're the most comfortable. Our model Twiggy here will demonstrate. I have this lovely little
Seersucker . . . wait a minute

WHERE CAN I GO IN GARDENA?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN L.A.?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN ROSEMONT?
I NEED SOME THREADS TODAY

I need the knits
The double knits
I need the knits
They are the pits
I need the knits
The double knits
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit-
Whew!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?

Howard: No, my friends, I'm not kidding, right here on the miracle mile we have the west's largest selections of . . .

Portly,
Regular,
Cadet,
Tall,
And long

Howard: And not only that- My brother Jake and Little Emil, and . . .

Sixty tailors!