Frank Zappa – Once Upon A Time lyrics

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark volman (vocals)
Howard kaylan (vocals)
Jim pons (bass, vocals)
Don preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark bolman
Oh, thank you frank
And don't misspell it,
That's not marc bolan
That's mark volman
Hiya friends
I wanna welcome each and everyone of you
I wanna say to you tonight
I feel great
I mean, I feel great
Everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me
And they say mark, mark, mark
Mark are you kiddin'
Lemme tell you this friends:
I am not kiddin'
I mean, I am portly and I am maroon
Well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am?
Aaaah
I can't guess what you are
Well, then I'll give you some clues
And the first clue is
I am portly
Does that help?
Not much
No, I don't know who you are
Okay, I got one
Clue number two:
I am double knit
Does that help?
No, not much
Whaddya mean?
Well, then I've to give you one more clue
I know this is gonna give it away
And I hate like damn to tell you this
But clue number three:
Ich bin maroon!
Ahhhhhhhh you're a sofa!
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark volman ...
Thank you, frank
... trying to convince each and every member
Of this extremely hip audience here tonight,
That he was nothing more, nothing less
Than a fat maroon sofa,
Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness
A light shined down from heaven (* twinkling sounds *)
And there he was ladies and gentleman, the good lord
And he took, he took a look at the sofa,
And he said to himself
"quite an attractive sofa"
"this sofa could be commercial"
With a few more margaritas and the right company
However, I digress
"what this sofa needs" said the big 'g'
"is a bit of flooring underneath of it"
And so in order to make this construction project possible,
He summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers,
And, by means of a cute little song in the german language
(which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business)
The good lord went something like this:
(take it away jim pons!)
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
And of course ladies and gentlemen that means:
"give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa"
And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness
As far as vision permits,
Stretching all the way from belfast to bogner regis
And the lord put aside his huge cigar
And proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa
The bulk of his message
With the assistance of a small electric clarinet
And it went something like this...
Take it away jim pons!
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means:
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa
And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from belfast to bagner regious and the lord put aside his huge cigar and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of his message with the assistance of a small electric clarinet and he went something like... this: