Julien Baker – Happy To Be Here lyrics

If I could do what I want
I would become an electrician
I'd climb inside my ears
And I would rearrange the wires in my brain
A different me would be inhabiting this body
I'd have two cars, a garage, a job
And I would go to church on Sunday

A diagram of faulty circuitry
Explains how I was made
And now the engineer is listening
As I voice all my complaints
From an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake
I was just wondering if there's any way that you made a mistake

Because I miss you the way that I miss nicotine
If it makes me feel better, how bad could it be?
Well I heard there's a fix for everything
Then why, then why, then why
Then why not me?

The 1st of April saw the sickening repair
Wore my best shirt to the clinic decorated with a laminate name
No one is laughing from an audience of folding plastic chairs
And I'm not fooled when you tell me that you're glad I came
Am I honest to admit or just a hypocrite?
I know I should be being optimistic but I'm doubtful I can change
Grit my teeth and try to act deserving
When I know there is nowhere I can hide
From your humiliating grace

Because if you swear that it's true
Then I have to believe
What I hear evangelicals say on TV
And if there's enough left after everyone else
Then why, then why, then why
God why not me?