King Missile – Hamsters lyrics

(spoken)
What is good to do is to try to get hamsters to crawl into balloons. When you have balloons full of hamsters, you're going to be happy. You tie the balloons to your belt and walk around with a bunch of hamsters in balloons hanging off your belt, and you're going to be happy. How could you not be happy with balloons full of hamsters hanging off your belt, hanging around, walking...and then you could jog, jog around with the hamsters.

Make sure they're tied tight to your belt. You don't want them to fall off, like, 'cause, what if you've got seven hamsters in balloons hanging off your belt, and you're jogging, and you're happy, but then a couple of them fall off – but that's cool, you still got five, that's enough – still, then you can keep jogging, and maybe two or three more come off, and now it's getting not as much fun, and now it's not a look anymore, now you're – you got two or three, in-in-in-instead of a whole bunch, and, and people are starting to notice, 'cause if you've got a lot of hamsters hanging off your belt, people are gonna be like, "Wow, that's a lot of hamsters," but if you've only got two, people are gonna be like, "Hey, what's with the hamsters?" or, or, like, if you only have one, people are gonna come up and say, "You know, you got a hamster hanging off your belt," like, like, they're, they're gonna think maybe you didn't know, or maybe it was an accident or something. And, and, and, and people are gonna say, "Hey, how come you've got a hamster in a balloon hanging off your belt?" And, and what are you gonna say? "Well, I left the house with seven but six of them fell off"? People are gonna think you're an idiot. You see, you've gotta be able to demonstrate that what you're doing is intentional, otherwise people will think you don't know what you're doing. You've, you've gotta appear in the know. You've gotta radiate an aura of control. If, if you only have one hamster, next thing people are gonna notice that your socks don't match or that you're wearing plaids and stripes or something, and nobody's gonna take you seriously.

So I say: Yeah – okay, hamsters. Balloons, and hamsters. Yes. Yes. Very good. But make sure you've got enough. And make sure you tie them tight to your belt. Otherwise you're gonna look like an idiot.