Monty Python – Medical Love Song lyrics

Inflammation of the foreskin
Reminds me of your smile
I've had balanital chancroids
For quite a little while
I gave my heart to nsu
That lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling
And I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herpes,
My syphilitic sore,
Your monilial infection
How I miss you more and more
You dobie's itch, my scrumpox
Our lovely gonorrhea
At least we both were lying
When we said that we were clear

Our syphilitic kisses
Sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules
With a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis
Sent shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus
When your spirochetes met mine.

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal balanitis,
Meningomyelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior you-ve-i-tis.

My clapped-out genitalia
Is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure
Every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes
Are the worst he's ever seen
My scrotum's painted orange
And my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender
Though my parts are awful raw
You might have been infected
But you never were a bore
I'm dying from your love, my love
I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science
But I'm afraid they've turned it down.

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal balanitis,
Meningomyelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior you-ve-i-tis.