The Muppets – Bert Ernie 2 lyrics

Another Bert and Ernie Singalong
thanks to Charles Evans ([email protected])
[The arrowed lines are from memory, because I did not hit REC on the VCR
fast enough . . .]
> [E. walks in with pot and plops it on B.'s head]
>
> E: Here Bert, try this on!
> B: Hey, hey, Ernie, what are you doing? Get that pot off my head! Why?
> E: Well haa, ya see Bert, a little while ago, I dropped and broke the
> cookie jar.
> B: Oh, Ernie, you didn't!
> E: Mmm hmmm.
B: Oh well, all right, so you broke the cookie jar, but what's it gotta do
with that pot there, huh?
E: Well you see, I had to put the cookies somewhere...
B: Yeah?
E: Bert, um... just a second. I... I... I'll show you, Bert.
B: [looks at camera] I don't understand.
E: [brings in sugar bowl with cookies] See, I broke the cookie jar and so I
had to put the cookies in the sugar bowl, see? [takes a taste of one]
B: Well... yeah, Ernie, but but if you put the cookies in the sugar bowl,
then where'd ya put the sugar?
E: Well, I'll show you, Bert! [famous Ernie hmm] Hmm hmm hmm [leaves with
bowl and Bert looks at camera]
B: Ya show me. [does the famous head tilt]
E: Ok, well you see, I put the sugar in the flower pot here.
B: In the flower pot?! Oh great... just great. Well _where'd_ you put the
flower that was growing there, huh?
E: Oh I'll show you, Bert! [takes away the pot]
B: Ya gonna show me again... I don't get this.
E: [brings in milk bottle and flower] Ya see, I had to plant this flower here
into this milk bottle, see... nicely planted, I watered it and everthing.
B: [Looking very stunned] [E. looks straight into camera all proud, shaking
his head about his nose] ERNIE!!!! [Shaking head]
E: [Calmly] Hmm?
B: Well now WHERE is the milk?!
E: Oh, I'll show you, Bert.
B: [E. leaves] Ya gonna show me where the milk is too. Oh Ernie, I ...
[looks at E. returning with a root beer bottle.. stunned]
E: See I put the milk into the, uh, soda bottle
B: [Gets close to E. in quiet voice gradually getting louder] Ernie... I'm
trying to be patient, but __where__ is the soda??
E: Oh just a second, Bert, I'll show you... [calmly as usual, Bert getting
more stunned and irritated gives out his famous]
B: Aaaaaaahhhh!
E: [Brings in the soda-filled fishbowl] It wasn't easy, but I put the soda in
the [straining] mmm fishbowl
B: In the fishbowl?! Ernie, this is CRAZY!! Now where are the fish?!?
E: Oh... well, I'll show you, Bert. [even calmer than before]
B: [stares into camera as E. leaves for a few seconds and ...] Ooohhhh,
Ernie, what are you doing now? [Mouth wider than ever in shock]
E: Oh, I gotta carry it out here, Bert... I put the fish in... to... the
cowboy hat, ya see.
B: [looks down into hat as fish squirts water in B.'s face] Oh, no... Eeeyah!
[wipes faces stands there with mouth firmly closed very angry]
E: [points calmly at fish in hat] Take it easy there, fella.
B: [angrily] Ernie, Ernie, that is MY cowboy hat...
E: Yeah, so? [VERY calmly]
B: But ya, you but the fish in it, Now what am I gonna do when I wanna play
cowboy?
E: Oh, umm, well [reaches for pot and puts it on B.'s head] Ride em cowboy,
Bert! [pats Bert on back] [E.'s patented laugh] Keheeheeheehee
[End music begins with Bert standing there as usual, and Ernie leaving.
There was one neat trick done in it, at the end when Ernie put the pot
On Bert's head (probably at the beginning.. which I didn't see). You
Know how Ernie's hands are real and the person's arm go in at his
Elbows, which are always below the counter/stage, but to get the pot
On the head, the hand person, had to make a quick .. nicely-done move
Behind Bert and up with the pot.. with Elbow behind Bert so Ernie's
Hand is up in the air with nothing showing.