"
This is not the man I hoped to be,
And I'm just trying to stop the bleeding
I don't know how to word it
I just started to deserve it
As Josh grew up, everything e struggled with shaped him into a person that he didn't want to be. Everything he did was just an attempt to make himself feel better (i.e. drugs), but it just ended up turning him into someone he didn't want to be, but at the same time, he felt like he deserved all the bad things that were coming to him, even though he didn't know why.