Beardfish – The Gooberville Ballroom Dancer lyrics

He was a filthy motherfucker
By the name of Dwight
He only bathed 'bout once a year
He didn't smell alright
His father was a drunken bastard
Couldn't do things right
His mother died while she was giving birth
When she saw her Dwight

He had the great ambition to be one who girls would adore
And if he could have the chance to flourish in a wild romance...

... He could be a fraud or a fake just like those guys on tv

"Dwight thought about it for a while and then it occured to him, all he had to do to be popular in Gooberville, the place where he lived, was to come up with something he was really good at. The problem was that the only thing he'd ever been remotely interested by in his youth was ballroom dancing, and that ain't too cool. But if I could find a way, he thought, to combine the ballroom dancing with the fearsome attitude of more present day youth activities..."

... I could be the king of a generation lost in a daze
Salsa, cha-cha, pasodoble
Blended in the hardcore pace

He could dance it all he would never fall
Women by his side rhymin', going wild
He would take 'em all!

He took all the money he had saved
Sold his comic-books too
Bought a baby-blue custom-made gabardine-suite with matching turquoise dancing-shoes
He took a shower at least once a week
And now he smelled all right
His mother really would be proud of him
If she could see her Dwight

Then it was time to show Gooberville what talent Dwight had concealed
Who would have thought that smelly brat could pull off such sex appeal

He was now the king of the floor
And no one could match his moves
All except the lovely Eve
Dressed in silk with natural gloom

They pulled off a stunt sliding 'cross the floor
He could feel her breasts and her eyes wanted more
He would take her home!
And then slide her knickers down...

Who would have thought that such a man could do such a thing?
What is it, aphrodisiac or something?

Who would have thought that women lined up by his door to ask him out to the dance floor?
Would you go to the park with me this Friday? Nah, maybe next week, alright sweetie!

The sexual experts unified opinion:
"It is now established that the reason Dwight has luck with ladies is clam-exctract vaporizing from his greasy hair! "
And all the professors say:
"This is a damn miracle we must take him down here and run some tests!"

Doesn't matter if you're a fraud just like those guys who're uptight
You could be a jerk or a nerd just like that Gooberville Dwight
And he's alright
Yes he is!

He was a filthy motherfucker
By the name of Dwight
He was a filthy motherfucker
Now he is alright