Brian Posehn – Metal By Numbers lyrics

They've killed metal twice, but it will never really die!
It's kind of like a zombie or even that Jesus guy...

So grab your friends, some instruments and start a metal band
Just sing about death, Egypt and wizards or rip off Ayn Rand

We're coming to the end of the first verse...
Then comes the breakdown, a pretty chorus and then the second verse.

I know I just rhymed verse with verse
That's because I'm sooo metal, bitch, where's your fucking purse?

Breakdown!!! In this part it sounds like the singer wants to fight...
Breakdown!!! Don't be scared, the chorus will make it all alright

Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
Follow these rules and you will see
Cookie monster vocals or yell like a wookie
Metal by numbers, cookie, cookie, cookie
Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
This is the gay part, with melody
Even a baby could do it, just give it a try
Just sound like Maiden or Metallica or Every Time I Die

I have to change my voice to make me sound (gang) mad!
If I tried to sing clean it would make your ears (gang) sad!

This is the (gang) gang vocal and I'll tell you the (gang) truth!
It's four sweaty dudes yelling in a (gang) booth!

Music really sucks now Posers and trendy fools
But compared to Coldplay and Nelly, even shitty metal rules!
It's metal by numbers, it's not arithmetic
John Mayer, Kelly Clarkson...they all can suck my penis!

Breakdown!!! In this part it sounds like the singer wants to fight...
Breakdown!!! Don't be scared, the chorus will make it all alright

Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
Follow these rules and you will see
Cookie monster vocals or yell like a wookie
Metal by numbers, cookie, cookie, cookie
Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
This is the gay part, with melody
Even a monkey could do it, just give it a try
Copy Maiden or Metallica or Every Time I Die

Here it comes! C'mon! All Right!
Are you almost ready??
Dammit! I missed it!

(Spoken) This is the mosh part! Mosh!!!
Or don't. It's your call. I just stand in the back and try not to get hit. Watch out for the shirtless white trash guys. They'll punch you and they stink. And look out for the screamo kids practicing their karate kicks. Dude, you look gaytarded. Oh no. Here comes a giant Mexican - he looks really pissed. I wish everybody would put their shirts back on, it's kind of gross. Is this part still going? Here comes the lead break...Oh, not yet. Here it comes... here it comes. Go!

Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
Follow these rules and you will see
Cookie monster vocals or yell like a wookie
Metal by numbers, cookie, cookie, cookie!
Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
This is the gay part, with melody
Even a retard could do it, just give it A try!
Steal from Maiden or Metallica or Every Time I Die