Deadpool Said – Deadpool Musical - Beauty And The Beast "Gaston" Parody lyrics

(warning language not appropriate for all yo have been warned)









Deadpool (spoken):
Well, I'm an idiot
I could have sworn the invite said it was a costume party
(man coughs)
That guy gets it
Love the hair

So what's tonights theme?
Everyone's dressing like what the 90's thought was tough?
Oh come on Bartender me!
Ask me "Rough day?" while you rub
The same spot over and over

Bartender (spoken):
Do you ever shut up?

Deadpool (spoken):
I know i'm a chatty cathy
But what are you gonna do? sew my mouth shut?
Ah-ah-ah-ah
Don't answer that

Bartender (spoken):
If you stay here Deadpool ...
It's gonna get ugly real fast


Deadpool (spoken):
Ooh was that a musical cue?

Bartender (sung):
Gosh it disturbs me
To see you deadpool
In fact, it usually does
'cause you look like my balls
Under that hood, deadpool
Just thinking of it kills my buzz

Deadpool (spoken to the camera):
You know, normally that would have just hurt my feelings ...
... but DAMN it. I've always wanted to be in a musical

Bartender (sung):
There's no man in town
As reviled as you
And hell they all wish you would die!
Even though you've proven
Quite tricky to kill
Everyone's going to
Tryyyy

Both:
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone's

Deadpool:
Slick as Deadpool
No one's quick as deadpool
No one punches you
Right in the DICK
Like deadpool

For there's no man in town
Half as --

(spoken)
Ooo Chimichanga!

(sung)
Perfect, give up man, it's gone

You can ask Anna, Natty or Betsy
And they'll tell you who's team
They prefer to be oooooon!

Black widow (spoken):
Avengers.

Rogue (spoken):
X-men

Deadpool (spoken):
Come on, say X-Force

Psylocke(spoken):
Bugger off Wade

Deadpool (spoken):
So what's going on with this threesome anyway?
Sexy recon? Super "charlie's Angels"?
Oh! I could be your Bosley!

Rogue (spoken):
Watch your back sugar

Deadpool (sung):
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone's
Fun like Deadpool
Shoots his gun like Deadpool

Black widow:
Heroes should not kill a ton
Like deadpool

Deadpool:
My kill count is really
Intimidating

Pub crowd:
Hey kill that guy!
That deadpool!

Shoot off his balls
Cut off his route

Deadpool:
Hey sexy friends
Won't you please help me out?

Pub crowd:
Fiiiiiiiirst
Oooooooone
To kill Deadpool
Gets to win the dead pool

Deadpool:
If Spider-man were here
That'd be really cool

Spider-man:
You're lucky i was
Passing through here

Deadpool:
Yaaaay!
Your tights do great things
For your arse

Random voice:
Hey you're no slouch in that way either

Deadpool:
Thanks voice
But every last inch of me's
Covered in scaaaars!

{gun shot}

(spoken)
SHIT!
Mother... fucker!

(gun shot)

(sung)
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone
Flips like Deadpool
Changes clips like Deadpool
No one wields katanas
And RIPS like Deadpool

I'm especially good at
DECAPITATING

Severed head:
Heads roll for deadpool

Deadpool:
When i was a boy
I humped this unicorn
Every morning to help me get off
But lately i'm thinking
I might hump the hulk
Tell me what is that like
Romanoooooff?

Black widow, Rogue and Psylocke:
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone

Black widow:
Jokes like deadpool

Rogue:
Or provokes like deadpool

Psylocke:
No one else has an ego
To stroke like Deadpool

Deadpool:
You guys wanna spoon
And watch Conan later

Black widow, Rogue and Psylocke:
NO!

Black widow, Rogue Psylocke and deadpool:
My what a guyyyy


Black widow, Rogue and Psylocke:
DEADPOOOOOOL

Deadpool:
MEEEEEEEEEEE!

(They leave)

Bartender (spoken):
HEY! Who's gonna help clean this shit up!?

Deadpool (distant and spoken):
Not it!

Bartender (spoken):
Awww, fucking perfect...

(credits play)
(after credits)

Deadpool (spoken quietly):
Come to daddy precious ...

(metal claw SNIKT!, toy squeak)

Uh, excuse me
That's my unicorn

Wolverine (Spoken):
Go fuck yourself

Deadpool:
Oh let's go do that!
Have you got time for a fastball special?

(SNIKT!)

Oooh two in the pool one in the stool?