Ryan Kulla – The Dark Side Of MC Tard lyrics

I turned my turn tables over to sit on the legs
But between you and me.. does that make me gay?
I rap all day about nothing important
And get responses like as if I was impotent

I'm MC Tard. I'm working hard
To bring you shit that won't reach charts
All the girls.. they can see
There ain't no other white boy like me

People ask me..
They go.. you Tard, why don't you record?

Well, you see I don't really have a nice sounding voice
I have a hard time keeping my throat moist
Eminem would put a hit out on me
Then I'd be dead pushing up daisies
Now, that doesn't seem to appealing
So, lets just try to drop this please
Don't make me have to phone the police
Cuz once this cop helped rescue my cat
But then he wanted a favor back
I told him I would never touch a pig like that
And then he goes.. Oh, come on.. just a pat
I said maybe I would if you weren't so fat
Then he put my cat back where he rescued it from
And I went, alright quit acting dumb
Alright wait.. Why am I telling you this
Just giving you another reason to diss me
Like the sissy.. I act like
I might bite when I fight
Despite my height.. of six feet tall
Sometimes to me I feel real small
No No, don't pity me at all
Cuz then I might break down and ball

So anyway, back to Eminem
Yeah, I wouldn't be much competition
Cuz the 14 year olds that worship him
Love the way that he disses Kim
It would also be too much to expect them
To switch to this MC on a whim
Besides I don't want kids all over my limbs
Thats not the point my mission
Sure I aspire to be a pimp
Just not to dorks that act like gimps

I'm MC Tard. I'm working hard
To bring you shit that won't reach charts
All the girls.. they can see
There ain't no other white boy like me

I may not have that pefect flow
I kinda just wing it as I go
And the answer to what you're thinking is no
I wasn't brought up in the ghetto
I actually grew up near the beach
Where everyone's hair just had to be bleached
It may not sound at all that rough
But believe me dude it was totally tough
I never had to call The Man "Sir"
But I feared my skin would get cancer
Finding parking and losing my riches
It really sucked.. Those Meter Maid bitches
(bitches, bitches...)

I'm blatanlty obvious
Sometimes erroneous..
Even when I cus
I'm like what the fus.. is going on
This MC just rhymes for fun
And if you don't think I'm all that fun
I'll reach to my ankle and grab my gun..
Well, now you know my hiding place
So, I'm gonna have to kill you anyways
Wait. What's that? You're too young to die?
Then you might wanna give the dark side a try

I'm MC Tard. I'm working hard
To bring you shit that won't reach charts
All the girls.. they can see
There ain't no other white boy like me