Sammy J – Driving lyrics

Sometimes when I'm driving with my lady
We'll see someone and say "Maybe
We should run that person over. "
We're just joking, actually
We simply find it funny
The absurdity of running
A complete and utter stranger off the road

But just say maybe
I was driving with my lady
And we made our normal joke
But then by sheer coincidence
My steering spindle broke
And we careered into the guy
And killed him instantly
And when the police arrived
And asked us to describe
The scene inside the vehicle just before the crash

Would we tell him 'bout the joke?
Would he understand
Our post-modern sense of humour?
Would the accident look planned?
Would we tell him 'bout the joke?
I doubt it

And sometimes when I'm dining with my lady
And we have an Asian waitress
I'll say something pretty racist
Like, "Should we go somewhere else?"
The implication being
I'm uncomfortable with seeing
Asian people, which of course is not the truth

But just say maybe
I was dining with my lady
And dropped my knife upon the floor
But didn't see the Asian waitress from before
Was coming over to assist
While I was fumbling on the ground
And being slightly pissed
I flung my arms up when I found the knife
And stabbed her accidentally in the face?

Would I tell the judge about the joke?
Would he understand
That the joke was unrelated
And I'm not a racist man?
Would I tell him 'bout the joke?
I doubt it

And sometimes when I'm waiting with my lady
At the airport for a plane
She'll say something quite insane
Like she's got cocaine up her ass
Of course her ass is empty
It just helps to pass the time
While we're standing in the line

But just say maybe
She went to the bathroom
And whilst applying perfume
Was set upon by drug mules
Who forced her into putting
Several condoms of cocaine into her bum
And when they left her
She went straight to the police
Who came and found me and asked me
If I knew about the drugs?

Well, I'd have to tell them 'bout the joke
Honesty is best
She said she had narcotics on her
Well, I never would have guessed
You think you know someone and then
The bitch turns out to be a fraud

Of course I'm just joking
But please don't tell my lady 'bout that joke
She wouldn't understand
She gets upset when I discuss her in my songs
And do you think that she'd forgive
This breach of trust on one occasion
If she saw you laughing at our jokes?
I doubt it