Jerky Boys – Marriage Insurance lyrics

Reciever: Good afternoon
Kissel: Hello, is this an insurance place?
Reciever: Excuse me?
Kissel: Is this an insurance place?
Are: Yes it is.
K: Ok, I met this young lady. I think I want her to marry me... Hello?
Are: Yes?
K: I met this young lady, I want her marry me but I need your insurance to tell me... You know the marriage will be good. She'll make a good wive...
Are: (chuckles) How am I 'spost to tell you dat?
K: I don't know. She don't cook or clean or nuttin'.
Are: (laughs)
K: Well, I need you to insure me that she'll be the right lady.
Are: I can't insure.. I can't tell you dat.
K: She got a bigger beer belly den me.
Are: (laughs)
K: That's why I'm trying to look nice and swell for memorial day cause I wanna wear a nice bikini.
Are: (laughs)
K: I got knob knees. Hallo?
Are: Yes? Yeah? (still chuckling)
K: You should see my feet, they look lice a bushel a' corn
Are: (sighs) Ok, how can *** help you?
K: I I I dunno, she don't cook or clean. She's always dancing around the house, she used to be a dancer. She puts rags on her head. She don't.. I told her the other day to make me some biscuits... And than she put on the oven, it went baddaboom! And buscuits flew, hit my cat. Hello? I met this lady, I wanna marry her.
Are: Oh, you do?
K: Right. But I need someone to insure it'll be a good marriage.
Are: Oh I dunno, we don't write that kind of insurance.
K: You won't give me a pat on the back telling me " don't worry", you know, " buy her a ring"?
Are: Oh, I can't I can't do that either.
K: Why not?... You know how to make buscuits?
Are: Do I what?!
K: Know how to make buscuits?
Are: So, what does that have to do with insurance?
K: Cause, uh, that's. She needs to make good buscuits.
Are: Well, you ask her if she knows how to make good buscuits before you marry her.
K: Yeah but everytime I want a drink for memorial day coming up... She gets mad at me.
Are: Oh, she does?
K: Right...
Are: Well than don't take it.
K: What, take, the marriage?
Are: Don't take the marriage if you were asking for problems already.
K: Because...
Are: Ok. (hangs up on him)