Jerky Boys – Sol's Turnstile - Sol Rosenberg lyrics

Reciever: (answers the phone) Can I help you?
Sol Rosenberg (caller): Hello?
R: Yes, can I help you?
SR: Yes, I need a turnstile.
R: Okay, what kind?
SR: What do you mean what kind?
R: Whoa just about 700 varieties...
SR: (farts when the reciever talks) Oh my god!
R: ...what's the application what are you using it for?
SR: I'm gonna use it out front by the house by the walk way.
R: You're gonna use it in front of your house.
SR: Yes.
R: By the walk way.
SR: Yes.
R: Okay, and what is the purpose of the turnstile?
SR: Well, we have a lot of people coming in to view my mother. You understand?
R: Okay.
SR: Yes, she seems to have been lopped off one of her legs with a haycicle so all the neighborhood people come to see, you know.
R: Come to see her?
SR: Yes.
R: Okay.
SR: And, uh, I just wanted a turnstile so I can keep count. There's too many people at one time, you know.
R: Mmm-hmm.
SR: (farts again) Ow!
R: You're looking for money or something like that, though.
SR: Yes. Well, I just don't everbody filing in all at once and this would make them go in single file, you see.
R: Mmm-hmm.
SR: And my mother doesn't seem to mind very much because they leave a donation.
R: Right.
SR: And she lays into bed there and everybody comes to see her and I feel a little awful.
R: Right.
SR: Yeah. You don't have them I guess.
R: We have turnstiles. But are you prepared to send 7 or 800 dollars for a turnstile.
SR: We can make that in a day perhaps. It would pay for itself.
R: Mmm-hmm.
SR: You see? Do you put coins in it?
R: No, but we can make them with coins but it would be awful expensive to have a token coin box on it. We have a portable turnstile.
SR: Oh! So I could, uh, you know what I...
R: You can move it wherever you like.
SR: Then I could move it right the bed beside my mother.
R: Right.
SR: So you could walk around the bed and get with another turnstile, more money! You see.
R: Yes, well. Someone would be there collecting the money.
SR: My mother would hold I a cup. I would give her a cup.
R: Right.
SR: You see.
R: Right.
SR: You know we still keep the leg in the house too so she could... So what if people could look what happens if you play with a haysicle, you know.
R: What's your address and phone number?
SR: My address?
R: Right. So we can send you a picture and a price.
SR: I live at, uh, 26 (beep) West Street.
R: And I'm speaking with?
SR: Sol. I said Sol Rosenberg.
R: Okay.
SR: And my mother's name is Gimpy. You know. It's not very nice but, what is she gonna do about it.
R: Okay, we'll send you something in the mail.